Something that I believe we can all agree on during these times is that things are far from normal. Perhaps this has become our sort of new normal for the time being. During these times I believe that many of us have had to come face to face with how we are really doing mentally and spiritually. I was confronted with a realization at the start of the pandemic that was not quite easy for me to see back then. When quarantine hit, it was a sudden stop from the busyness and the “keep on pushing” mentality. I was stopped to face myself. I was able to take a step back and analyze just how things had truly been going for me.
I was faced with this realization which is one that I believe many might resonate with: an addiction to “busy.” The problem with this was that with it comes a sort of scarcity mindset where there is never enough time to get everything done and accomplished. In turn, this scarcity mindset leads to the growth of stress, worry, fear, and anxiety. I was faced with how I was always trying to do things all by myself as well. Was I reaching out to those who cared enough to help me? Was I inviting God, the One who carries infinite strength in the very palm of His hand, to be my primary source of strength to help me?
No, I was not.
I realized I had been living in a sort of “isolation” even before isolation restrictions were put into place and enforced. This was a sort of isolation resulting from the addiction to busy and of simply trying to do it alone.
Sometimes we want to feel like we can handle it all ourselves: the crazy, the busy, and the chaos. We become addicted to busy and applaud ourselves for it.
Sometimes life becomes like a frantic race of trying to fit everything that is needed into what seems like not enough time. It takes a toll on us, our mental health, spiritual lives, and our fulfillment in life.
I always told people that my spiritual life was my rock, and I believe it still is, but during those days of reflection during the early pandemic stages, I was faced with the reality that I was trying to be my own rock. It struck me hard that I believed that I could do it all alone in my weakness and tiredness. I truly was exhausted by the mentality that there was just so much to do and never enough time. I began to truly understand why I was stuck in a cycle of frustration and mired in a scarcity mindset. My response was to try and be my own rock.
I was trying to do things on my own strength from my academics to my relationships and everything in between. And even if things were going well, the A grades and successes never seemed to be enough. They didn’t cultivate long-lasting peace. I was trying to be my own rock and it was leaving me frustrated and in a pit of hopelessness every single time.
I thought to myself, how do I cultivate peace into my life instead? This question arose in my mind because I had come to face a somber realization.
I realized that while I was allegedly trusting in a God who promised me a life of abundance and peace of mind and heart in the midst of chaos, I saw myself stubbornly holding onto trying to do things alone in my own strength and it left me a tired, unmotivated, and burnt out individual. This was producing more worry and anxiety that sunk me deeper into a lack of peace.
I found the answer in this: the reliance in a strength higher than my own found in God. He became my constant peace through the pandemic, my consistent strength. It has made a
significant change in my life that has impacted everything. By allowing God to be my strength and no longer simply relying on my own, my life has become embedded with more peace and energy to face life’s challenges. A few practices that have helped me involve changing my prayers into more honest conversations with God about how I’m really doing and being intentional about reaching out to friends and family, so I am no longer isolating myself and handling things alone.
Through all of this I have realized that when effort is merely the result of self-discipline, it turns into frustration. It is the fruit of God’s presence in one’s life that is the key that opens the doors of victory.
— Diana Quiroz (Neuroscience, Class of 2023)